New Brisbane

I’ve been really forgiving of some venues in Brisbane during my time as a reviewer. I always think to myself, “Well, maybe it was just this one time that I came here” and so try to look on the bright side. To find the silver lining. But there’s one bar in Brisbane which every time I go there, I have a really bad experience… and tonight was the last straw. That bar is the brand new X and Y Bar in Fortitude Valley - the bar that I nominate as the worst bar in Brisbane.

X&Y bar

648 Ann Street, Fortitude Valley
P: (07) 3257 1259
W: www.xandybar.com.au

X and Y Bar exists as a cramped, converted small shop front with a tacky industrial feel that leaves a bad taste in your mouth. The drinks are over-priced, even on a Thursday when everyone else in town is offering amazing specials, and the clientele is a mix of wannabe alternatives and drunken retards who seem to have been served countless drinks despite Responsible Service of Alcohol regulations. It’s the kind of bar that gives the Valley a bad name and which prompts people to propose things such as the 2am closing.

The first time I was at XnY Bar, I thought that it was a rather pleasant venue. I mean sure, it was more cramped than an Indonesian immigrant ship and the drinks were more expensive than my last trip to Monte Carlo, but I was giving them the benefit of the doubt since they were new in town. They had potential… unfortunately they let us all down.

The second time I visited, I was accosted by an aggressive, skin-head Irishman who claimed to know all the bouncers and who claimed he would have me “tossed out on the street” and “have my ass kicked”. All because I was there at 2am, talking to some of the only girls in a venue that is essentially a huge, aggressive cockfarm - not the kind of place you want to go to if you’re a girl, or if you’re a guy looking to meet some nice girls.

But tonight, I really was surprised. Hanging out with my flatmate and enjoying a few quiet drinks, I got talking to people as I am wont to do. I’m a people person. Making my way out to the dilapidated outside excuse for a lounge, I see a guy nut-shot another guy for no apparent reason. I comment on the unfairness of this to the group, only to be told that “it’s okay, because he’s just a glassy at our club” - apparently these were employees from The Family. Apparently touching each others’ nuts in a violent way is some kind of hazing ritual for Katarzyna Group employees.

Chatting away with the various members of that group, I suddenly feel a tickle on my leg. The same over-inebriated jerk-off who apparently is a manager at The Family just tried to nut punch me. Fortunately for him, I don’t believe in violent retaliation and instead chose to report this incident to the closest Firm Security representative of the night, Liam.

As I was reporting this incident, the supposed Family employee came up and said hello - obviously they were friends, and Liam chose this moment to conveniently excuse himself to some “front door incident”. When I asked if there would be any repercussions, I was told “not to tell him how to do his job”. Apparently security at XnY bar in Fortitude Valley accept physical violence in their club as an every night occurance.

So if you’re looking for an aggressive, mostly-male atmosphere in which to get fights picked and random acts of violence imposed upon you, I highly recommend XnY Bar in Fortitude Valley. On the other hand, if you find this kind of thing despicable, I say go to any other bar or club in Brisbane. Why waste your effort and time on such a lowly, try-hard establishment?

- Ross