New Brisbane

My friends and I really look forward to the quarterly VIP parties at Love & Rockets, where the alcohol flows, the women swoon and the debauchery is unleashed. So, it was with great excitement and anticipation that we RSVP’ed to this quarter’s party at Love & Rockets’ Fortitude Valley location, which would see the launch of their brand new Level 2. Because surely the only way to make a great club even better is to make that club bigger (and to fill it with more naked women).

Love and Rockets

693 Ann St, Fortitude Valley
phone: +61 7 3252 2608
fax: +61 7 3252 4348
e-mail: valley@loveandrockets.tv
web: www.loveandrockets.tv

Now normally I give you a wonderfully vivid description of this club, telling you about the luxurious furnishings, decadent cocktails and tantalising entertainment, but I’m going to do something a little different this time. Don’t get me wrong - this club is still fantastic and still one of my highest rated bars in Brisbane, with Level 2 yet another fantastic step in the direction of “doing things right”. But, we had an adventure this night and it’s definitely worth repeating.

The night begins as myself and 6 friends assemble at our Valley pad for a little pregame - my entourage a little larger this time as one of my other friends had signed up for a free membership on the Love & Rockets website (now replaced by their Gold Card program!), and so he got his + 3 invite as well. After a few vodka redbulls, we headed on down to the club fashionably late enough to miss the line but without missing any of the fun.

Grabbing a champagne on the way in, I ascend with my crew to scope out the much-hyped and well-publicised Level 2 (have you seen the billboards all over town? I know I have). Unfortunately, Level 2 is packed out and, since I’m not important enough to get given my own booth (sadly I’m still barely a D-list celebrity in this town), we admire it briefly before heading back downstairs. Here we quickly stake out some prime real-estate in front of the stage and after a bit of interior design we have ourselves a nice u-shaped lounge area, feng shui friendly with a perfect view of going-ons in the club. At Love & Rockets, they make adult entertainment an artform and we we wanted to make sure we could take full advantage.

Soon after, we are visited by one of our friends that works at the club, who (like all the girls there) was looking quite hot in her evening gown - a devil in a red dress. Passing my champagne off to my faithful partner in crime, Joel, I have a quick little dance with her, impressing her with my faux-salsa spins and dips whilst earning the envy of every guy in the room. I guess it’s not the usual kind of dancing that goes on there. Taking my champagne back, my friend says 5 little words to me that will change the course of the night - “Why are you drinking champagne?”.

“It is not”, I explain, “that I am a big girl, but rather that my only other free options were beer and wine, and I am most certainly not a fan of either.”

“That’s all very well”, she replied, “except tonight’s bar tab covers basic spirits as well.”

It is with this revelation that I decide this girl is no devil in a red dress, but rather an angel in disguise, sent to save me from an evening of strawberry-scented bubbles. I promptly put down my champagne and locate the bar, where, using my patent-pending get-served-first techniques, I quickly find myself double-fisting a couple of vodka-oranges on the way back to my u-shaped haven, sporting a mischievous grin reminiscint of gin and vermouth. The kind of Cheshire Cat smile that only the words “open bar” can inspire.

Fast forward a little bit and Joel strikes up a conversation with a “petite strip-teaseuse”. Noticing the accent, I quickly strike up a conversation en français and lure her away from Joel to a comfortable seat on my lap. My french-teaching mother would be so proud that my twelve years of bilingual study have been put to such good use. I once again earn looks of envy from my friends nearby (including a death stare from Joel), but sadly it comes to an end when the girls are all called backstage for preparation of a special performance.

Later in the night, and still enjoying the benefits of Love and Rockets’ more than generous bartab, I make my way upstairs to see what’s going on up there - I’ve seen downstairs before and I was keen to see how well the new upstairs works. And it works quite well, with tiered booth seating leading down to the stage ensuring everyone gets a great view. Now, fortunately, I spied one of these booths was empty as I came upstairs and after 15-minutes-or-so of keeping an eye on this booth, I decide that it has been abandoned by its owner and that salvage rights apply.

Occupying the booth and texting my friends to let them know I’d found us a place to sit, we’re soon cosied up, enjoying the show on stage and just the general great atmosphere of the club. Suddenly, security arrives and informs us that this is not our booth and that the bottle of Johnny Walker my friends were drinking from was not theirs. “Guys,” I say, “salvage rights do NOT apply to the alcohol we did not buy”. After some quick talking and namedropping (which will probably see us uninvited from the next VIP party), we manage to keep the booth but the Johnny Walker is taken away. I’m completely fine with this, as the bastards weren’t sharing with me anyway (seriously guys, where are your manners?).

The night goes on and we continue to enjoy the entertainment on offer - I even got to see la petite strip-teaseuse up on stage towards the end of the night. However, as all good things do, the night finally had to come to an end. With a job to go to the next day, and a group of friends who wanted to bounce elsewhere, I decided my night at Love and Rockets in the Valley was over - an excellent night out, as always.

So if you’re keen to check out a Love and Rockets VIP party, make sure you hop along to their website, where you can sign up and became a member of their recently launched Gold Member Card program. In addition to party invites, you also get free entry for you and 4 mates for a whole year. Not to mention the high status and bro points you’ll get for being a card-carrying strip club VIP. For the best party in town, at the best strip club in town, it’s something worth checking out.

- Ross