New Brisbane

…And What I Recommend You Do With $15.

Let me tell you now – these aren’t the same things.

If only $2.75 bought a kebab in the city. Granted, teamed with Alice’s $2.75 we almost had the elusive kebab in hand, but somehow ended up with the $5.50 special of Black Pepper Beef with Noodle from Jackpot Noodles as we came across it on our escape route from the pub.

Black Pepper Beef with Noodle is a steaming plate of, well, Black Pepper Beef with Noodles (plural), plus a small bowl of clear bean sprout broth with 2 bean sprouts. This tasty liquid is the culinary equivalent of an amoeba, if it were 3-celled; hot water, bean sprout and chicken stock cube. Speaking of stock cube, and back onto the main event, Black Pepper Beef with Noodle was a) speedily prepared (our remote control exploded with noise about 30 seconds after sitting down on the neon green pleather bench), b) alarmingly similar in taste to Beef Maggi Noodles, which makes sense if they’re using the same stock and c) waaaay too slimy, mushy and every other texture you don’t want your noodles to be, even your $5.50 ones. The beef was tender and the flavour passable; I may have ventured to say tasty had I downed another drink beforehand.

60 mins prior to hitting the Jackpot: Alice and I met at the Port Office at 6pm to investigate the rumour of $2 Corona Fridays, leaving only an hour ($3 Corona promo runs from 5-7pm Friday) to talk food, wait at the bar whilst avoiding eye contact with 20 year old horny males and lay waste to 3 bottles of Mexican Foster’s.

As long as you don’t grab the cosy 2-seater near the men’s trough like we did, and accept that you are a player (reluctant or otherwise) in a meat market for the few remaining Brisbane lads who haven’t yet nabbed the woman of their choice (there’s three of us for every one of them, you know!!), the Port Office packs a pretty good punch for beer lovers looking for an alternative to $3.50 basic beers after work.

So… clams blown so far? $11.75. What did I do with the other $3.25? Oh that’s right, shouted my mate a drink, of course!!

Liquored and full (as opposed to feeling fed), I headed out for the other of life’s pleasures – live music. The Matches (at The Zoo, along with In Fiction and Fifty Sixx) parallelled the same kind of cheap starchy slimy substance that fills you up but sadly leaves you somewhat unsatisfied. And because I’d eaten so much (which was only half the plate) I ended up spending a lot more money on booze trying to liven up the rest of my night. If you could hear a kebab, it would sound like The Matches.. meaning, you’ll love them after a lot of beer.

Ps. I remembered something this morning that a wise drinking buddy once told me, and can’t believe it ever left my mind even for a second. The fact of the matter is, when it comes to getting bang for your fifteen bucks, “eating,” dear reader, “is cheating”. I suspect the $5.50 noodles in all their slimy glory would have been better appreciated after drinking, more drinking.

Oh, and what do I suggest you do with your fifteen bucks on a Friday night? Grab 3 friends who drink beer also, buy a decent slab and you’ll still have $10 to spend on sausages and white bread from the supermarket. Trust me… there’s much more bang in bangers.

Signing off
Miss Crystle

Xx

The Port Office’s (40 Edward St) promotion runs every Friday from 5-7pm, offering $3 Coronas, $5 stubbies (Fourex, anyone?) and $3.50 vodkas. Jackpot (96 Albert St) is open 7 days from 11am–9.30pm and serves Asian meals ranging from $5.50 Quickpicks up to $9.80.