New Brisbane

Running a website like NewBrisbane presents plenty of opportunities to review fun and exciting products and venues, as well as to meet some inspiring business managers, but I can honestly say that the review of Monty’s Chocolates in Paddington was by far the most fun I’ve had writing a review in my long history of reviewing “stuff”. And not only that, now I get to brag to my friends that part of what I do involves sampling deluxe imported European chocolate.

Monty’s Chocolates
155 Labtrobe Terrace,
Paddington, Qld, 4064.
+61 73369 3135

Nestled in the heart of Paddington’s cafe strip, Monty’s Chocolates specialises in importing deluxe chocolates from Europe and deals exclusively with the who’s who of chocolatiers, including Artisan du Chocolat, Rococo, Copponeur and Charbonnel et Walker to name a few. Run by the husband and wife team of Steve and Dory Sheldon, these are definitely two people that are passionate about what they do, and it shows in the mouth-watering product range that their store offers.

Before going to Monty’s, I decided I would invite our chocolate loving Operations Manager at work along to be my “official assistant chocolate taster”, because it’s always good to get a second opinion and I thought it would be something she’d enjoy - plus it earnt me some brownie points back at the office. And it was a good thing I did, because as I was soon to discover, everyone has their own preferrred tastes in chocolate! Here’s a few of what we got to try…

Hot Drinking Chocolate

This wasn’t strictly on the sampling menu, but when I saw the big vat of what appeared to be melted chocolate, I just couldn’t resist. Steve offered me a very professional and detailed explanation of what was in this hot chocolate, but honestly all I can remember is that it was like drinking melted milk chocolate. An absolute must if you visit Monty’s.

Le 100% Chocolate

This chocolate, made from “Criollo” beans grown on the island of Madagascar, is literally 100% chocolate. To give my rough layman’s version of how it works, when the cocoa beans are crushed they exude an oil which can be collected and formed into solid blocks. This is what 100% chocolate is - no sugar, no milk, no other additives. Obviously a very dark chocolate, this one wasn’t a favourite of mine(I prefer milk or white chocolate), but my assistant absolutely loved it.

Liquid Salted Caramels

Designed by Artisan Du Chocolat in London for Gordon Ramsay’s restaurant at Claridges Hotel in London, the liquid salted caramel is reported to be the biggest seller at Monty’s and it’s no wonder why! Described as “a sweet liquid caramel with a pinch of Noirmoutier island’s grey salt, captured in a cocoa dusted shell of intense dark chocolate”, these chocolates are truly decadent and are available for only $1 a piece. Just remember, no matter how tempting it might be, do NOT bite into them until the whole chocolate is in your mouth, as the caramel inside is very liquidy.

Marzipan and Fruit Concoctions

German manufacturer Coppeneur also gets their foot in the door with some rather interesting (unexpected?) treats. The first of these we tried was a Marzipan delight called an “apple strudel”, which, combined with a dash of cinammon, really did taste just like an Apple Strudel. The same manufacturer also produces a range of truffles with fruit-flavoured ganache filling, such as the Mango Lassi and the Cactus Fig, which are an absolute explosion of sweet fruit flavour in your mouth.

Rococo Organic Chocolate

Rococo is also worth special mention for its organic chocolate. Notorious for its extremely high cocoa butter content, this chocolate has a silky texture and a crisp snap that you just don’t find in your Cadbury chocolate. We sampled the white chocolate + strawberry, white chocolate + raspberry and the white chocolate + cardamom chocolates. My favourite was definitely the raspberry, though the cardamom really did add an interesting flavour.

But Monty’s is more than just a shop window selling chocolate. Every piece of chocolate at Monty’s has a story to tell and the shopkeepers are happy to walk you through the entire range to find something right for you. And if you want to sit and enjoy a tea, coffee or hot chocolate, that’s fine too.

Every piece of chocolate at Monty’s has a story to tell.

Truth be told, I think both my assistant and I ate ourselves sick on chocolate that afternoon, but it was totally worth it. I could literally spend pages describing the different types of decadant, luxury chocolate that are for sale at Monty’s, but instead you should get up, leave your computer right now and go check them out. Highly recommended.

When I first discovered that there was a strip club around the corner from where I work, I thought this would be great - what better way to bond with workmates than Friday drinks at the local strip club? Not only that, but B Confidential in Spring Hill is also located right around the corner from where I live. And since pre-drinks inevitably starts at my downtown address, it was only a matter of time before someone suggested we head on down. And that’s just what we did.

B Confidential
445 Upper Edward Street
T: +61 7 383 21309
E: info@confidentialclub.com.au
W: www.bconfidential.com.au

Having checked the website out before we went down, we were informed that B Confidential was not going to be your average sleazy strip club affair - oh no indeed, for B Confidential strives to be a gentleman’s club of the highest calibre. Formerly the Catwalk Club, the club was transformed in mid 2008 by Gold Coast adult entertainment entrepreneur Lisa Boorer and was set to take over the burlesque scene in Brisbane with its classy interior, beautiful girls and superstar chef.

Greeted by a sumptuous foyer, the entrance to the club certainly radiates a feeling of luxury and we were suitably impressed - until we walked through the main doors and it all fell in a heap. With tacky tables and chairs in a small, cramped basement, B Confidential is definitely not the club that it seems to be from the outside.

Shown to a table of our very own, we quickly notice a few things about the club that just aren’t right. The first of these is how the low-ceiling impacts on the operation of the club. Not only is the stage not raised (a vital requirement of ANY strip club), but the pole itself is really small - which limits the girls’ ability to perform complex maneuvers and more often than not results in them being squished in a ball against the ceiling while they try to turn around without hitting their head on the ground.

The club also has very few mirrors on the walls, another staple for a decent strip club, as the punters sitting in chairs that don’t face the stage miss out otherwise. Now, this could be an intentional move to bring up the class level, but unfortunately all it results in is a great view of an ornate wall, which is really not why people go there.

The private dance area is also rather unusual. While seperated from the rest of the club, there is no sense of privacy within the area itself. Due to the way the seating is positioned (and the lack of curtain seperators), anyone getting a dance is looking towards all the other perves currently getting grinded on. Not only that, but I found it difficult to hear the music in there, which must make it really difficult for the girls to perform to.

Now, although a gentleman’s club is generally the last place that you’d want to eat food from, the novelty of eating while staring at naked female forms was enough to convince my friends and I that a meal was in order. Unfortunately, while the club opened with a gourmet menu featuring Wagyu steak burgers and other deluxe items, it’s quickly been replaced by what appears to be a quicker bistro menu - obviously to cater towards the Spring Hill business lunchtime clientele. While the food wasn’t bad, most of the items didn’t arrive as we expected them to - such as the chicken parmigiana which came out pre-sliced, with no cheese and a side of tomato salsa to dip in.

Now the last thing, the thing that really makes a gentleman’s club, is the quality of the girls that work there and this is really where we hoped B Confidential would pick up its game. Unfortunately, we really weren’t impressed in this area either. While the girls that stand at the door are generally pretty attractive, the girls on the inside of the club really benefit from the low lighting - and while I’m sure ‘plump’ girls cater to a certain demographic, that demographic does not include me… or any of my friends. Seriously, there were times when I thought the pole would be ripped from its moorings.

while I’m sure ‘plump’ girls cater to a certain demographic, that demographic does not include me…

So if you’re looking for a place to take your friend on his buck’s night, B Confidential is not it - it’s more of a place to meet up with your friends after work on Friday before heading into the city than a place to have a real party. And with clubs like Love & Rockets in Fortitude Valley opening up, there’s definitely other nearby options. On the other hand, if you’re after a lunchtime meal with the boys from the office in Spring Hill, go for it - the drinks are a little overpriced (even for a strip club), but the food’s not too bad.

This is a story of love, loss and salvation. This is a story about eating at Gammy, a Korean Restaurant located on the top level of the Myer Centre in the Brisbane CBD.

Gammy Korean Restaurant
Top level, Myer Centre
Brisbane CBD

Hours:
Mon-Sat: 11am-midnight
Sun: 5pm-midnight

Tuesday night dinner and movies is an institution for my friends and I. Every Tuesday we catch up downtown and prior to seeing a movie we would grab a bite to eat in the Myer Center at “Dodgy Chinese”, so named for its great value food, waitresses that barely spoke English and the fact that we were always the only white people in there.

And then they shut down Dodgy Chinese!

So for the past couple of months, we’ve been exploring the downtown area, trying in vain to find a place that measured up to our beloved Dodgy Chinese in terms of value, taste and novelty factor of explaining our order six times. Unfortunately, there’s not many places downtown where you can score a banquet of delicious food for $10. The Beach House, Jo-Jo’s, Dodgy Chinese #2 (Albert St, downstairs across from Krispy Kreme, named for the same reasons)… none of these measured up!

So imagine my extreme delight when I was seeing a movie the other week with my dad and I spied people milling about in the previously empty space.

Dodgy Chinese is back! Only… it’s Korean now!

Gammy’s, now affectionately known by my friends and I as Dodgy Korean, exists at the very top of the Myer Centre, next to the cinema box office and is one of the best value feeds you will get downtown. Offering traditional Korean dishes as well as a few Japanese and Chinese favourites, Gammy’s also does Korean BBQ-at-your-table, with some prime meats on offer (Wagyu fillet, anyone?)

One of the best value feeds you will get downtown

While we had similar language barriers with ordering as Dodgy Chinese, within seconds the staff began to flood our table with free appetisers, which we all fought over with our metal chopsticks and which continued to be delivered to us throughout our meal (despite running out of room on the table). There was traditional Kim Chi (pickled cabbage + chilli), a mushroom/capsicum/onion mix, fried potatos and more. As if that wasn’t awesome enough, the staff also brought us a free round of soft drinks, “as part of the service” and when my friend bought a beer, he was told that if he bought two he’d get a third one free - “part of the service”.

With a movie to catch, our eyes were firmly fixed on the time but we were not to be disappointed as the meal came out while we were still swashbuckling over the appetisers. I had ordered an $11 beef + vegetables with rice, which came out on a huge platter with lots of meat, vegies, rice and even some salad on the side. My friend, afraid they’d be small serves had ordered 2 x $12 dishes and was a bit overwhelmed at the size of them both. My other friends, who’d ordered the Wagyu fillet bbq had enough leftover to share the delicious wagyu fillet with the rest of us and still managed to spend less than $50 between them (including the 3 beers). All of this was topped off with fresh watermelon as we made ready to depart.

So whether you want to spend $11 or go ‘all out’ and spend $25, you’re guaranteed to get great service and great food from Gammy’s - not a single one of us left that place hungry and it was the perfect meal to grab before enjoying a movie.

- Ross

I’d been asked recently if I could write about some breakfast places in Brisbane and I thought what better place to check out than the Wicked Corner Cafe in Spring Hill. Located halfway between my home and my work, I pass by there quite frequently, but have never grabbed much more for breakfast than the occasional take-away wrap or muffin and I thought it was high time I gave their all-day breakfast menu a try.

Wicked Corner Cafe
Observatory tower
Cnr Wickham Tce & Edward St, Spring Hill
Ph: +61 7 2336 9911
Web: www.wickedcornercafe.com.au

Monday-Friday 7am-3pm
Saturday 8am-2pm
Sunday 8:30am-2pm

In the past, as I’ve scurried past on my way to work, I will occasionally stop at Wicked and grab a muffin if I find myself running short of time, or if I haven’t made it to the supermarket to organise breakfast for the week and I have always been impressed by the quality of muffins that I find there. At $3.50 a pop, their muffins are a good size and come in a variety of delicious flavour combinations, including Banana & Walnut, Raspberry & White Chocolate, Chocolate and much more. While some cafes will sell you gigantic flavourless muffins that just taste like bread, these muffins are rich in flavour and are by far some of the best tasting muffins I’ve ever bought from a cafe.

From time to time I’ve also grabbed a breakfast wrap from Wicked if I wanted something a little heartier to start my day. And while they’ve tasted pretty good, I’m always confused as to why they put the BBQ sauce on the outside of the wrap - especially as they wrap it up in waxed paper when you order it to go. It just makes the whole thing a mess to eat and not an enjoyable experience, tasty though it may be. When I grabbed lunch there with my father the other week, he had a chicken wrap and while it wasn’t wrapped in paper, he noted that it makes it hard to pick up and eat a wrap when its covered in sauce. Please, Wicked - put the sauce on the inside, where it belongs.

So with a bit of preconception about what I was going to get, I finally dragged myself out of bed at the crack of noon this Sunday and headed on down. I ordered the pancakes with icecream, maple syrup and blueberries, an orange juice and a hot chocolate - which managed to come in at a quite reasonable $15.60, including a $1.50 charge for using my credit card.

The hot chocolate and juice arrived quite promptly after ordering, which is hardly surprising, as apart from a couple sitting inside, I was the only other customer this Sunday. The hot chocolate was beautifully presented, with a big bit of tasty froth which I assume had some sort of marshmallow in it, however the actually drink itself I found to be a little bitter, and not at all as sweet as I’d like a hot chocolate to be. The orange juice was from a boutique juice company and was quite large in size, served up with ice and a big straw.

Barely moments after I’d received my drinks, I see the waitress bringing out my pancakes and that’s when I smell it - the smell that no person in this world should ever have to smell… the cloying over-sweet scent of maple FLAVOURED syrup… that is: not real maple syurp.

Now something I should point out at this stage is that I am a total maple syrup snob. I have Canadian ancestry and my parents literally own about 200 acres of maple syrup producing “sugarbush” in Eastern Ontario and we have been making syrup for three generations. Though I’ve lived in Australia for almost my whole life, there is not a time I can remember when we did not have real maple syrup straight from Ontario - and not the dark stuff they export to Australia, but we’re talking “Number 1 Light”. The good stuff.

Now, that said, I knew when ordering that there was a VERY slim chance that what would get served to me would be actual maple syrup - even in the syrup-producing areas of Canada, it is a rarity to get served real maple syrup with your pancakes and even then you pay extra for it. So when I ordered, I knew what I would be getting… and the only reason I bring it up at all is because on the menu it says “maple syrup” and not “maple FLAVOURED syrup”.

However, as the plate of pancakes is put down in front of me, I have to say that I was quite impressed. $7.90 didn’t get me a HUGE plate of pancakes, but it got a nice amount for a decent price. Three uniformly-shaped pancakes stacked on top of each other, topped with a single scoop of vanilla ice cream, maple FLAVOURED syrup and blueberries and dusted off with powdered sugar.

The pancakes were light and fluffy and there was ample blueberries to go with the meal

The presentation was fantastic and though I’m not a big fan of powdered sugar, it wasn’t overdone. The pancakes were light and fluffy and, unlike my experience at Cha Cha Char, there was ample blueberries to go with the meal. I found myself enjoying each bite and by the end I was quite satisfied with my meal, despite the attempt by the fake syrup to ruin it.

Niether over- or under-full, my meal at Wicked Cafe was a perfectly sized breakfast for its price and would be both a welcome follow up to a big night out, or a casual Sunday morning catch-up with friends. My only suggestions to Wicked would be to add the word “flavoured” to the menu between “maple” and “syrup” and to also add a few different toppings options to the pancake item - I would’ve loved to have strawberries and ice-cream on my pancakes, or better yet - raspberries. It would still keep the menu simple, but give a bit of variation.

- Ross

For me and my friends, after work drinks on Friday night is almost as big an institution as Tuesday night dinner and movies. It’s a chance for us to blow off some steam, meet some interesting people and prepare for a fun-filled weekend. Of the various places in the city we tend to hit up, there’s one that we constantly come back to and that one is Jade Buddha, particularly upstairs in the Shadow Lounge.

Jade Buddha
1 Eagle St, Eagle St Pier, Brisbane
Ph: +61 7 3221 2888
Web: www.jadebuddha.com.au

Mon - Thurs: 11:30am - 1:00am
Fri - Sat: 11:30am - 3:00am
Sun: 11:30am - 12:00am

Located in the heart of the Eagle St pier, the Shadow Lounge at Jade Buddha is everything that a cocktail lounge should be - there’s lots of places to find a seat, great tasting cocktails served by friendly & experienced staff, great music, a balcony for fresh air which commands a magnificent view of the Story Bridge over the Brisbane River, a fantastic intimate ambiance and even table service for drinks. Better yet, even though it gets busy in there on a Friday night, there’s always space to move around and the wait at the bar is never more than a few minutes.

Downstairs at Jade Buddha is primarily given over to their restaurant, which serves up some of Brisbane’s best food. We’ll perhaps go back there another time to properly review the dining experience, but one thing I can say for certain is that you simply must catch their Sensual Sundays on the downstairs balcony. Between 3pm-5:30pm, $10 will get you either a grain-fed sirloin steak or a seafood plate and $15 will get you the reef and beef, complete with delicious sides. Throw in a few cocktails in the bar afterwards and it’s the perfect way to spend a lazy Sunday afternoon - and not a bad way to spend a date, either.

With space to hold your function both upstairs and down, Jade Buddha is also a great place to hold your next work do or birthday party. They have a reasonably priced platter menu, which is comprehensive enough to ensure everyone can enjoy something from their deliccious range - just watch out for people trying to pinch from your platter as they walk past!

Having a cocktail at Jade Buddha is a complete sensory experience.

One criticism I have heard of Jade Buddha is that it can be a little expensive and yes, the prices are a little on the expensive side, with cocktails kicking off at around $17. But, I’m never one to complain about price when I’m getting quality in exchange and Jade Buddha is all about quality. With a few classics on the menu, as well as some of their own in-house concoctions, their cocktail menu has obviously been designed by a professional mixologist and while the beautiful presentation of these drinks will capture your eyes’ attention, the flavours will make your tastebuds dance. Combined with the other sights and sounds, having a cocktail at Jade Buddha is a complete sensory experience.

So next time you and the lads (or gals) from the office are looking for a good place to kick off your weekend, I highly recommend you check out Jade Buddha. I’ve been there numerous times over the last year and every time has resulted in a great weekend.

- Ross

I was going to save the first entry of our new lifestyle section for a report on my upcoming weekend adventure, but I was so impressed by my Friday night to Elan Hair & Body on Edward St in the city that I’ve decided it deserves to be first.

élan Men’s Hair & Body
162 Edward St
Brisbane

Mon-Fri: 8:30am-6pm (Thurs: 8:30am-8pm)
Sat: 10am-4pm
Ph: (07) 3003 0031
web: www.elanstyle.com.au
Gift Vouchers Availale

Since moving to Brisbane in March ‘08, I’ve lamented the loss of my stylist in Perth. It took me 15 years to find a men’s stylist who was genuinely concerned about giving a quality cut and who didn’t mind being challenged creatively. Since coming to Brisbane, all I’ve been stuck with is luxury-salon wannabes who serve a fantastic cappucino, but who give a terrible haircut, often resulting in a fauxhawk, or some other terrible hair style - yes gentleman, that’s right, the fauxhawk went out in 2007, along with popped collars on pink polo shirts and other similarly hideous trends I refused to buy into.

Another reason I’ve been sad about losing my stylist is that he also did male waxing and grooming, and as it’s not a subject I feel comfortable asking just anybody about, the persian rug that I call my back & shoulder hair has remained in tact. Fortunately, in addition to being a specialist men’s hair salon, Elan’s also does waxing, massage and beauty treatments (rugged & manly beauty treatments, I should add) and after getting my haircut there, and meeeting the staff, I feel fully comfortable coming back to Elan’s sometime in the near future to meet some of my author style needs.

My visit to Elan’s resulted after a decision on Thursday afternoon to get my haircut in preperation for a big weekend, but not wanting to trust my beloved locks to the fauxhawk butcher again, I turned to my trusty friend Google. Within minutes I was checking out Elan’s website, which while not working in Firefox (Ed’s browser of choice), is amazing nonetheless - with lots of information on their services, pricing and specials, as well as the ability to book online.

Even at short notice, they were able to squeeze me in and with their handy CBD location on Edward St, I was able to duck in shortly after work on Friday evening. Once there, I opted for the $40 introductory special they’re running in January for new customers, which is reported to contain over $300 in value.

Élan Introductory Pack - $39.95

- Pre-cut consultation
- ‘Élan Signature’ style cut
- Relaxing shampoo & wash
- Invigorating deep scalp massage
- Styling demonstration on how to get that ‘salon’ look every day
- ‘Élan essential’ hot towel and cold infused towel revitalisation
- Refreshments of your choice from our salon menu
- Traditional neck-shave with a cut-throat razor
- VIP “Welcome Pack” with special bonus gifts ($200 value!)

After a few seconds sitting with the provided beverage, the package begins with a quick consultation with my stylist about what I want to do, and she immediately wins me over by laughing at my not-always-funny jokes and by her shared hatred of fauxhawks and popped collars on pink polo shirts. She explains to me what would work with my hairline and why, and asked lots of quesetions and gave good feedback on my answers, which left me with some great options.

From there, we moved to the hairwashing portion of my introductory package, where I got to sit in the massage chair while my hair was washed and then my scalp massaged. I’m not sure why the wateer she used on my head was cold, but I can only assume there was a secret stylist reason behind it. Either that or it was an accident.

While I was in the chair with my head in a sink, I thought it would be a good opportunity to ask her about the other services she offered. My stylist seemed to know her stuff, though didn’t really elaborate too much, which is good on one hand as it wasn’t a pushy sale, but unfortunate on the other as I was genuinely interested in Elan’s other services. I could’ve kept asking questions, but I knew most of what they offered from my previous trip to their website anyway.

The cut itself went rather well, with my stylist making friendly chit chat the whole through. Continuing on from her pre-cut consultation, she discussed the various options I had to work with my particular head of hair - what would be best, how I should wear it, etc. Followed by a bit of styling clay to finish the look, I was quite pleased with the result and I will definitely be making Elan my new place to go for a haircut.

“I will definitely be making Elan my new place to go for a haircut.”

Following the cut, I had the back of my neck and my sideburns shaved with a “cut-throat” razor - something the fauxhawk guy never did and which is my base-level standard for a decent men’s stylist. Fashion tip for the guys - hairy necks are not and have never been ‘in’, get that neckline tidied up pronto.

This close shave was then followed by a hot & cold towel face treatment, which was rather pleasant, and the whole process was wrapped up with a spray of cologne - I opted for Ferrari’s fragrance. Unfortunately, I didn’t get my $200 gift/sample pack at the time, but I’m assured it will be mailed out to me.

All up, my visit to Elan Hair & Body made what can sometimes be a chore for us guys into a fantastic experience and I can’t wait to get back to try out their deluxe 45 minute shave, or one of their hand/foot treatments. For the ladies out there looking to get their man something special (perhaps for upcoming Valentine’s Day?), I would definitely recommend a gift certificate from their website - for a haircut at the least, and a deluxe package if you really want to treat them.

- Ross

Following a massive hiatus, New Brisbane is back in business and better than ever! What makes it so great, you ask? Why me, of course - Ross, your new chief editor. I’ve been living in Brisbane for the last 11 months (since Feb 08) and have spent that time finding the best that Brisbane has to offer when it comes to bars, clubs, restaurants and cafes - and now, I want to share it with the world. So stay tuned, because the next few months are going to see some exciting new reviews come up on the site - including some new Lifestyle reviews.

Right now what we’re after is a couple more writers to help us track down the best places to be in Brisbane - a lot’s changed since the site last had regular writers and we’re keen to add reviews for some of the newer venues about town. You won’t get paid anything, but you will get to express your opinion to the world in a very indisputable fashion and from time to time you might get invited to a cool VIP event. If you’re keen, head on over to our Contact Us page and let us know what you’re about.

We’re also looking for bars, clubs, restaurants, cafes and other venues in Brisbane who are keen to get their name out there by having one of our reviewers come visit you. We’re especially keen to add reviews to our upcoming ‘lifestyle’ section, so if you’re a local stylist, fashion designer/store, tourism provider or other local lifestyle-related business, then let us know who you are. If we think people can get something out of your business, we will broadcast it to the world. All you have to do is jump over and fill out the form on our Get Reviewed page.

That’s all for now - we’re putting something extra special together over the weekend for you all and I’ll see you then!

- Ross

So with Thursday night infamous in its role as student night in the city, the goal of tonight was to have a big midweek bender, and in the process to find where all the drinks discounts are downtown, with The Embassy, The Port Office, Union Jack’s and Fridays all on the roster to explore.

The Embassy
188 Edward St, Brisbane
+61 7 3221 7616

The Port Office
40 Edward St, Brisbane
+61 7 3221 0072

Union Jack’s Ale House
127 Charlotte Street, Brisbane
+61 7 3210 1172

Friday’s Riverside
123 Eagle Street, Brisbane
+61 7 3832 2122

My buddy Joel shows up at my place around 9 and we polish off the two bottles of vodka in my freezer for predrinks… since they were both almost empty, this is no big feat and we’re keen to wet our whistles a little more.

Wandering down the hill along Edward Street, the first stop is the Embassy Hotel, where there’s reported to be $10 cocktail jugs. As we make our entrance, we quickly realise that this is NOT going to be a place to linger. There’s four random guys grinding each other on the dancefloor, a DJ who’s working the deck like he was the latest thing from Deutschland and a lonely spider spinning a web in a quiet ceiling corner.

After shouting ineffectually at the bar girl for several minutes, she finally grabs us a cocktail list and points out the ones that are available. Thank you. This would have been handy before I made a dick of myself by getting you to repeat yourself FOUR times. We grab our jug, opting for the fruit tingle, which I belatedly realise is basically just Parfait Amour and Blue Curacao. Since it was tasty, we smashed it down as quickly as possible and got the hell outta there.

As we leave the Embassy, we bump into a couple friends of ours, fresh from a work Christmas party, who are keen to tag along with us. At this point we decide to check out the Port Office, which used to be known for its Thursday night shenanigans, but since my arrival in Brisbane in February ‘o8, has been nothing but a disappointment. I decided to give it one more chance, but it failed miserably… upstairs was closed to a private function, downstairs was dead quiet aside from a few guys in their officewear, and the only drinks ’special’ they had on was $6 for a single shot.

Ducking back out in front of the bouncers we’d just walked in past, we make our way to Union Jack’s - the purported home of Thursday’s student night fun. The drinks cards offloaded between 8-9, 10-11 and 12-1 are redeemable throughout the night and nab you 4 drinks for $12. At $3 a drink, that’s a lot of bang for your buck - and with the horny Thursday night student crowd in there, you might even get more bang than you bargained for.

$12 for 4 drinks Thursdays @ Union Jack’s. Drink cards sold 8-9, 10-11 & 12-1

But I digress.

The night we were there, the venue was busy but not packed, which is a definite win for me - I like to be able to move around and I also like to be able to grab a seat if I feel like it. Overall I liked the ambiance - the music choice & volume, temperature and minutes-spent-waiting-for-a-drink were right where I wanted them and the people were laid back and friendly, if not classy. It WAS a bit dark there, but this didn’t bother me much.

Unfortunately, our stay could not last forever, as we had one more bar to hit up before the end of the night. So, with promises of soon returning, we departed for Fridays. Normally known for “Friday is at Fridays”, a backpacker on the street recently informed me that “Thursdays is also at Fridays”, but hastened to clarify that only between the hours of 5-7 for $3 spirits, and 9-10 & 11-12 for $3.50 spirits.

$3.50 basic spirits Thursdays @ Fridays, sold 9-10 & 11-12

Being a favourite venue of mine, I much enjoyed the ability to drink cheaply there and my 3 bachelor friends and I soon found ourselves ingratiated in the company of a hen’s night, where we were ‘forced’ to sexily eat coloured Jelly beans from necklaces, and assist in other hen’s night dares. As fun as that was, 12 o’clock came and we found ourselves without cheap drinks, so back to Union Jack’s we went to use up the rest of the drinks vouchers we’d saved from earlier in the night.

All up, fun was had by all, and I found myself crawling out of bed the next morning with less than 3 hours sleep to tackle a full day of work. But it was totally worth it. Besides, if you’re going to be hung over, it’s a commonly-known fact that it’s better to be hungover on someone else’s time.

Cha Cha Char - Come for the food, leave for the service

It’s the annual work Christmas party and, after a year of not participating in Friday drinks due to its limitation to beer and wine, I’m looking forward to generously partaking of the one night of the year where the company employs an open-bar policy - the plan is to get drunk as a preacher and tell my co-workers what I REALLY think of them, while enjoying a meal at Brisbane’s award-winning Cha Cha Char.

cuvée lounge
Sofitel Hotel
249 Turbot Street, Brisbane
+61 7 3835 3535

Cha Cha Char
Shop 5, Plaza Level
Eagle Street Pier BRISBANE
+61 07 3211 9944
Monday - Friday 11.30am till late (last orders 11pm)
Saturday - Sunday 5.30pm till late (last orders 11pm)

Five o’clock rolls around and we all scamper home to make ourselves look pretty, for people we wouldn’t normally piss on to put out a fire, reassembling around 7pm at the Sofitel’s cuvée lounge for a few pre-dinner drinks. After getting accused of drinking straight orange juice for my first drink, on the second drink I trade my screwdriver in for a look at the cocktail menu and instantly start a scandal as several co-workers follow my lead. I always was the rebel leader.

The cocktail list at the cuvée lounge contains a range of pleasant twists on a number of classic recipes, as well as a few of their own flavour concoctions that we were all impressed by. I myself sampled the Dijon Daiquiri, which added a delicious raspberry detour to Hemingway’s classic that I quite enjoyed. In fact, I would have encouraged the rest to stay there all night had management not shut down the bar tab the instant they saw a tray of colourful drinks head to our table. A mere coincidence, I was reassured, as we had a restaurant reservation to make.

Having heard great things about Cha Cha Char, I was quite looking forward to my meal at what was described to me by one friend as a “fine-dining steakhouse”, or “shit hot awesome” by one of my less cultured friends. Sadly, while the meal was superb, the service was absolutely terrible - the most telling sign being that after two and a half hours there, drinking as much as I could on the company’s tab, I left the restaurant sober.

As we entered the restaurant, we were ushered past the standing-room bar (which was literally bursting at the seams) to our reserved table, and were promptly seated and presented with menus. Fast forward to 20 minutes later and we’re still waiting to even be asked if we would like anything to drink. Another 20 minutes later and we’ve got our first drink, but we’re yet to be asked if we’d like an entree. Finally, after an hour we’ve ordered our entree - and I’m waiting on my second drink.

It’s around 9:30 and we’re all starting to get a bit hungry by this point, so they serve us a bread roll each - which we paid $3.50 for and which was quite stale. Not only that, but the ‘helpful’ waiter has been around to top up everyone’s wine… mixing merlot into some people’s cab sav in the process. I’m not the world’s greatest wine connoisseur, but I do know that when you’re paying $50-100 per bottle of wine, that you don’t want them mixed together.

Shortly before the arrival of our entree, Mr Helpful comes around and takes all our knives away, presumably to replace them with steak knives. In doing so, he drops my knife on the floor and, not trusting him to reach between my legs to retrieve a knife, I helpfully pick it up for him - but he’s already vanished from site.

Out come the entrees and I dig into my wagyu beef spring rolls. Cooked to perfection, the spring rolls are delicious, and the dipping sauce served on the side is just sweet enough to be the perfect complement. Across from me, a very hungry co-worker is wolfing down his Wagyu fillet and gnocchi, raving between bites about how delicious it is and how perfect the size is. Next to me, another co-worker digs into his strip of lamb with Moreton Bay Bugs - as someone who lives on the NSW coast and is known to eat a variety of extremely fresh seafood, he’s not disappointed in the quality. In fact, all around the table, I see happy faces showing each other what they’re eating, and telling each other how delicious it is - all but one, that is.

It seems that no matter how far technology progresses, it will never be fool-proof, as an order does not “instantly transmit wirelessly to the kitchen” until you actually put it in the PDA. Mr Helpful apologises for his lapse, and as we’re all finishing our entree, our co-worker receives his. All this, and my second drink has sat empty for far too long, as I await the chance to get it refilled.

Sometime later (yet still only on my third drink), the main course arrives. Noticing I’m without a fork since it was whisked away with my entree, Mr Helpful’s companion asks if I need a fork. Dodging the obvious sex joke, I jollily reply “No thanks, I’ll just eat it with my hands”, which he thankfully understood as a joke, as a fork miraculously appears mere seconds later. I didn’t ask where he pulled it from.

Despite this, everybody gets what they ordered at the same time this time around and amazingly nobody is forgotten. While cooked a little closer to blue than medium-rare, my rib fillet is rather delicious - it is quite obvious that prime cuts of beef are used at Cha Cha Char and I am rather disappointed now that I didn’t get the Wagyu fillet, which I am assured was delicious and melt-in-your-mouth tender. My only complaint with the main was that the “double cream mash” was rather dry - and Gianni’s in Venice, Italy retains my much-coveted “best mash ever” award.

As the night is wearing on, and the kitchen wants to close, dessert menus are presented and dessert is delivered rather speedily. My white chocolate mousse was delicious, though it would have been made better had they not used such a sparing portion of the raspberry coulis and accompanying fresh berries (if I can get strawberries at $3.00 a punnet, surely they can spare more than half a strabwerry on my expensive dessert). Others also had great things to say about the desserts that they had ordered.

The one saving grace of Mr Helpful is that at the end of the night, when someone ordered one last scotch and coke to round out the night, he intuitively brought three of them, one for myself and one for the other drinker at our end of the table. Although he claimed “This one is out of my tips” (a fact I find highly dubious, as you would have to do something that earnt you tips first), what I really appreciated was the fact that he brought me a drink without me asking. Unfortunately, it did not make up for the standard of service throughout the rest of the night - he really didn’t want to be there, doing that job.

All up, the food at Cha Cha Char was top-notch fantastic, even if the service was more on par with a prison cafeteria. Being the generous sort that I am, I would definitely give the place another try, because I believe you have to try a place twice before you get a good feel for what it’s ‘normally’ like. Then again, with a city full of restaurants that serve great food, you may not be as forgiving.

Follow-up: A few weeks later, my father was in town for work and since he was paying for the meal, I once again got to eat at Cha Cha Char. Thankfully, while Mr Helpful was still around, we had a different (better) server that night. Unfortunately, my beloved Wagyu Spring Rolls were no longer on the menu, I convinced my dad that the Wagyu rump was worth a try, winning over his initial argument that “a rump is not a choice cut of meat”. We could not have made a better choice and once again I found the food to be delicious with the service the only thing bringing it down. In the words of my father, “if I’m paying $45 for a steak, I shouldn’t have to spend another $3.50 on a bread roll”. I’m sure that if they jacked up their prices by $5 and gave the bread roll away for free, that people would be talking about the cool dipping sauce and jus they got with their roll, and not that the steak was $5 more expensive. Some more entrées on the menu would also be nice.

Sisco
1/500 Boundary St, Spring Hill
Ph: 3839 4995
Open Mon-Fri 7am-3.30pm Sat 8am-2pm. Unfortunately not Sundays.
15% surcharge on public holidays

Sisco has everything I want in a café: the food consistent and notches above most for choice and price, the staff charismatic, the décor aesthetically pleasing. The proximity to my house is merely a bonus. I’ve probably eaten breakfast out in Spring Hill once a year for the five that I have lived in this woefully foodless suburb. The music? Wait.. I don’t remember. That’s a good thing because I’m often painfully aware of what offensive tracks are ruining my appetite and raining on my weekend gossip parade with whichever girlfriend is also nursing a Sunday hungover.

On this particular occasion the friend is Mel and we visit Sisco on a Monday; hence we’re particularly worse for wear after prolonged drinking in the Queen’s honour. Our waiter Dan notices and is especially attentive to us lest we forget to order before storytelling begins.

As testament to our mental deficit we order frappes in winter, but are well rewarded for our stupidity. Mel has a raspberry, cranberry, lemon & mint frappe and I have a fresh espresso frappe (both $4.50). They are great. Frappes aren’t hard, but 9 times out of 10 you will get watery juice with chunks of ice rather than a harmonious blend of flavour and brain freeze. The beverage list also offers fresh juices with optional noni, goci or acai shots, smoothies, milk shakes, health shakes (protein shake with banana, whey, raw egg, wheatgerm, yoghurt & milk), t2 teas and gorgeous belaroma coffee any way you like it.

The breakfast menu looks good -in particular the bircher muesli, yoghurt & raspberry apple compote ($5.50) - but we choose from the lunch menu. In hindsight the tasty vegie sandwich with haloumi, caramelised onion, parmesan, tomato relish, rocket & mayo ($10.50) seems like a superfluous conglomerate of cheese and dip, and I’m glad Mel isn’t as pedantic when it comes to ordering, because it could easily be the holy grail of hangover sangas. There are too many rules I’ve designed to govern my meal selection that in theory offer consumer protection from ill-conceived flavour combinations, but the truth is that I often suffer plate envy as a result. Luckily my open Turkish with smoked salmon, cream cheese, capers, red onion, rocket & lemon ($9.50) doesn’t disappoint. I usually regret smoked salmon at breakfast but this fresh combo proves to be a fantastic means to reintroduce solids into my post-party diet.

When the plates are cleared and conversation has run dry, our affable waiter, as if by telepathy, offers us a sample of the chocolate mousse tart that Mel has been eyeing off. We hang around the counter picking at the tart and discuss with him organic beers which sadly they aren’t licensed to sell. In another display of vagueness (and probably from spending all my coin the night before) I forget to tip the guy for such a pleasurable café visit, so I hope this review will suffice.

Decent serves, prompt wait times, personable staff.. in short, the team at Sisco do everything right. It’s such a rarity to find a Brisbane cafe that ticks all the boxes, which means I get doubly excited when I do. Definitely a newcomer to my Top 5 Cafes and they get the gong for best frappes in Brisbane.